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[JoeyT]

I have recently returned to this site after a year of being extremely busy. My membership expired and I had to reregister, but I am glad to be back. Over the past year I have looked in on the site once every couple of months to see how everyone was doing, but when I saw this forum added I just had to reapply. The reason I havent been around much the last year was that I finally got hired as a LEO and our department is understaffed resulting in a lot of OT. Including my academy time I have been on the job about 15 months now and I recently learned that you have to leave the job at the door. I am 24 years old and everything was going great (got my dream job my future wife ect) and then the day came when she told me she couldnt live this life. What a blow. I started questioning my career path and my attitude when I would leave work. I dont blame her but I guess what I am asking is how many others out there have experienced this. I dont regret my career I just learned first hand that you have to leave it at work. Anyway it feels good to be back and I hope to be an active member again.
JOE

[ATF SAC]

Welcome back. Actually, I would argue you can't leave it at the door. So you wind up with the approach of internalizing it and wearing a false face on the home front. I am sorry your relationship went south and I do not urge graphic and horrifying descriptions for the family at dinner. I had a tough day, we can talk about how it has made me feel and I am glad I am well trained and gaining experience to take care of myself and others is the message on the home front.

Lots of other have experienced it, tough business on personal relationships. Probably more have gone south on closing out a loved one than some judicious stress relief through conversation with a trusted partner.

someone who cares about you says you have changed, you probably have.

[JoeyT]

Still smiling. Youwin some and loose some. I appreciate the response and I am sure glad to be back. On the job I have friends I talk too, but it is wierd to think that I have found friends on this site who I know very little about but I can still talk too. My girlfriend and I were high school sweethearts and we had been together over seven years. she just had enough of the sixteen hour shifts and the steady midnights. I can't blame her although I tried to prepare her. Like I said, you win some you loose some. I just hope this isn't the rest of my career, one after the other. Anyway thanx for the response and stay safe out there. Much apreciated, JOE

[tino1]

I would say that I agree with ATF Sac on this one. I talk to my wife everyday about what has happened on the job that day. I don't go into horrific details, but it allows me to vent and she gets to know a little about what goes on in my worklife as she is now a stay at home mom. If you try to leave it at the door, you'll be putting more pressure on yourself to change personalities when you get home. Also, letting your significant other know a little about all the crap dealt with in a day will hopefully create a better understanding of the stress. Sorry about the future wife, it's probably best that it happened now, rather than down the road. Lots of fish in the sea!!

[JoeyT]

I agree with both you and SAc. I didn't mean it as leave everything at the door, but don't bring all the B.S home with you. The relationship went south and we all know that it can happen. I guess I just wished I would've of handled things different. Sometimes in life you are a day late and a dollar short. Like you said, plenty of fish in the sea. Just hard to get over the one you thought was the one. Thanx for the the response bud, it's good to be back. Stay safe all. JOE

[gota89stang]

JoeyT, I can somewhat relate to what you experienced. I didnt date this person for 7 yrs, more like 3 months, but one of the reasons she broke up with me was because she just knew that when the day came, she could not handle either dating, or marrying me, becuse she didnt want to worry about my safety all the time. It hurt, but know i know that the next person i date, i will do what i can to make them understand that I am wanting to be an LEO, nothing can change that, that i could be working 12 to 16 hour days, 6 to 7 days a week, may have to work on weekends, holidays, etc. I will be in danger everyday. I have come to realize that it will take awhile to find that someone who is willing to put up with it.

Also in regards to love, i have come up with this crazy little theory: Love is not an emotion, but like adrenalline. When you first get it, its a rush, but after a while it wares out.

[ATF SAC]

One the basis of being married 32 years, I believe that love is more what you do to care for someone and they for you than it is the adrenaline rush that got you into it. Turns out to be a kind of work in progress that at times neither of you is very proficient at (in fact there will be periods where you both are awful at it), but the effort is noted and appreciated at some level and you find you always can see the person you fell in love with.

Big problem in the professions represented in this forum is the job is a bit like a lover too. Probably helpful to sort of get in your mind that one day the job is going to go off with a younger lover and that you want that to happen.

I note more agencies are devoting some of the recruitment effort to spending time with the significant other which I think is a good thing. Some folks are put off by the mystery of it and exposure to the reality will help. If you look at the images we absorb through popular culture, some exposure to the reality won't get all of the concern out, but might enable someone to say "Hey I can handle this."

I am now over my Dear Abby phase.

[JoeyT]

Thanx again for everything guys. Definately more fish in the sea. The next time I will try to be more open about my career. Still young and not bald yet. Stay safe everyone. JOE

[AuntieDispatche]

You are a wise man, ATF SAC. And I bet you are married to a wise woman. Congratulations on 32 years. And thank you for sharing your words of wisdom..

Mary

[ATF SAC]

Much, much wiser than I and a shade tougher.