Witnessed a horrible accident

[WaltKosomik]

This is the first time that I have ever started a thread, and I hate that it is for this reason...

Late last night as I was heading home from work, I was passed by a jeep traveling northbound at a high rate of speed in the southbound lanes of traffic on the Dallas North Tollway. As I got to the last one in trying to dial 911, the jeep rammed head-on into an oncoming car. I pulled over and made the call to 911, but all the operators were busy (it was a heavy night of rain and I would later find out that there were multiple accidents a mile or so farther down the tollway). I then ran back up to the accident sight and tried to get oncoming cars to stop out of fear that they would drive right into the accident due to the rain and obscured visibility. As I got closer to the car that had been hit, the flames first started to erupt from what was left of the engine compartment. I got up to the driver side door and tried to pull it open, but the doors were jammed, but I could see into the car and the engine block was pushed up into the front seat and the deployed air bag was covering what I believe to be a woman's face. To be honest, the only thing I could really see was an arm and it looked female. I pray that she was killed upon impact.

Worst of all, nobody was attempting to stop and continued to drive between both wreckages. Knowing that I couldn't get the person out of the car, I at least wanted to get a fire extinguisher to try to stop the flames. Again, no one would stop even as they would do the window down as I asked them for the fire extinguisher (I also told them not to drive too close to the car out of fear of an explosion, but they kept on going). Finally, another person did stop to try to help...but he even came to the determination that there was nothing we could do. As cars continued to drive by, I was finally able to convince a man to stop his car and block the rest of traffic (I was okay with this because there was still enough room for emergency vehicles to get by). The other man that initially stopped asked me if there was anyone else in the jeep, who, I will admit, I could have cared less about at that time. We both went over and the driver had been ejected and the vehicle had come to rest on him. I felt for a pulse, but there was nothing. Well, with no else to even attempt to help, I sat and watched the other car continue to burn and the person inside go with it.

I have never felt so helpless before in my life and have always prided myself on being one to act even when others don't. This I feel is different...I have never been shocked by the depths of human selfishness, but what I experienced last night and the lack of any assistance until that other gentlemen showed up really disturbs me. It was minutes before any emergency help did arrive and people just didn't want to get involved.

What compounds this even more, as I had to wait and file a report with the state trooper on the scene, I got to talking with a fireman. While I came to the conclusion that the jeep driver was most likely drunk, the fireman burst that bubble and said the guy was probably committing suicide...which, I will admit makes alot of sense now.

I feel much better writing this right now, because as I articulate the events of last night I am slowly coming to the realization that I acted properly and really couldn't have done anything for the victim. But, one thing I am worried about is the dreams/nightmares that will come out of this. After 9-11, I had re-occurring dreams for months. When I was able to fall asleep last night, I already had one and it was of me actually getting the victim out of the car, but I made myself wake-up because I didn't want to see the face for fear of who it would be...

I am someone that deals with stress very well and know that I can handle this while I am awake, but it is the dreams that I am afraid of. Also, this was my first real experience with death outside of the confines of a funeral and more importantly I actually witnessed their deaths. As I have relied on this board so much for wonderful information, I again seek assistance from the professionals out there that deal with this stuff on a routine basis and how they deal with people wanting to know all about what happened and how to just cope with it in general. Thank you in advance.

[TANKMGA8]

First of all let me say I'm sorry that you had to see that. Secondly, from your account you didi everything that was humanly possible to help the victims, you should not doubt yourself on that note. As far as the people that would not stop to help, that happens on a regular basis. I think it is because alot of people don't want to be involved if it does not fit into their plans.

As far as dealing with it, I could talk to my wife. She understnds and I share alot with her and we help each other in a situation such as this, she works in the local hospital ER. What helps me is, one knowing I did everything possible to help those people, and two talking about the situation with someone that will listen and understand, and three understanding that quite possibly had you had a fire truck with every piece of rescue equipment available, you might have not been able to save the victim.

I will pray for you and the family members of the occupants involved in the crash.

[WaltKosomik]

I appreciate the response and your advice, tankmg8. I have spoken with my girlfriend and my parents regarding this tragedy, who ironically almost 22 years ago witnessed an almost identical accident and were the first upon the scene. My father was deeply bothered by the accident and later testified in the vehicular homicide trial against the drunk driver. While it is comforting to a degree knowing that they to were able to cope with it under similar circumstances, it was very hard for them at the same time.

One thing that also bugs me that I didn't mention in the earlier post, is the actual victim in the accident (whatever the circumstances surrounding the jeep driver, I cannot reconcile any feelings of sympathy towards him, but I do understand that he most likely has family and friends that will be deeply affected by the loss and I do have a sadness for them). I worry now about the victim's friends and family that are left behind. After the initial statement taken by the trooper, he informed me that he would contact me again for a follow-up and would then provide the victim's identity to me. I really want to pass my condolences onto the victim's family and to let them know whoever this person was to them did not suffer (I am still operating under the assumption that the victim was female).

Once again though, thanks for your understanding and the advice.

[Flippy]

I'm really sorry you had to witness that. How horrible for you. From what you described, there was absolutely nothing you could have done. Chances are, both people died on impact.

I work in EMS and what you saw is a part of my daily life. When I first started, it was very traumatic for me, but as time has gone on and I've seen so much of it, it's not as bad.

What you have to realize is that death is part of life and we're all going to die, one way or another. Many deaths aren't like what you see on TV where the person is comfy in bed and surrounded by loved ones. Some people die in horrible, nasty ways. It's very sad, but also a reality.

You have to console yourself with the fact that you did care enough to stop and you made every attempt to help. Some things in life are beyond our control and unfortunately, this was the case for you.

In time this will pass and you won't think about it.

[Virgilthetiger]

you could check with your dept. or a local hospitial or fire department for a critial stress incident person to talk to.


VTTT

[Duckie911]

I witnessed a bad accident many years ago, veh speeding by me only to see a half mile up the road that it did not see the semi truck entering the highway and went under it, it was ugly and I still remember the date and time it happened and that was in November 1989....BUT I didn't talk about it then, did not have anyone to talk about it with really (before I joined the LE community really). Talking about it would have helped I know now. In my case there was nothing I could do, we stopped and had everyone respond but the car was turned into a convertable.
You stopped when no one else would and that shows you have a heart, you stayed when you really didn't have to and that shows you have a caring heart. In the last moment the victims were not alone. Right now your accident involves a "victim" , when I learned of my "victims" name and that she was married it did actually make it worse - then it made it personal. I don;t know which was is easier to deal with. But remember that you TRIED and you didn't have to....that makes you special. ....... hope something in all this rambling helped............D

[MTB_Patrol]

A while back I had a similar case:

I was the first on a scene where a vehicle struck a pole and the vehicle was involved in flames. EMS and Fire were in route but not made the scene yet. The driver was still alive and screaming and clawing at teh side-window glass, when I pulled down.

Much to my dismay, the flames were too hot to get close enough to try and extricate him. I had to stand there helpless while the poor soul burned to death. It is not an experince you will ever forget, let me assure you of that!

I was "ok" on the scene, must have been all teh adrenalin, etc. but my Sergent insisted I go see E.A.P. for counseling. I didn't want to go and blew it off. .. HUGE MISTAKE That night it _really_ hit me, HARD! The screams, visions of the victims face. I stayed up all night blasting rock and roll and watching Cartoon Network.

First thing in the morning I reported to the Department shrink, gopt a referral out ot a private counselor, had a good 2 hour session, got some anti-depressants, and scheduled a few follow-ups.

I've come to grips with the reality that there was nothing I could do to help the person, and I did everything I could to control the situation and keep others from getting injured, but still it fooked me up, big-time.

I'm happy to say that I'm much better now, but I still have moments where if I get a call "vehicle struck a pole" I get queasy and my heart starts racing and I flash-back to that scene. It's less and less these days, but it still happens.


Two words of advice for dealing with post tramatic stress: COUNSELING HELPS!

[WaltKosomik]

MTB_Patrol,

Coincidentally, today is the month anniversary of my witnessing the accident. Honestly, I have done quiet well with it and I never really suffered any serious repercussions that I was afraid I would experience as a result of my involvement with that tragedy. Besides that initial nightmare I had, I never had another. My girlfriend did notice that I seemed to be somewhat withdrawn after the incident, and after serious reflection I realized she was indeed correct about my behavior. I can say the worst part of the entire ordeal was actually learning the identities of those involved in the accident (the victim I mistook to be a woman due to the severity of the crash was actually a male). While I quickly learned both names from the newspaper, I was deeply bothered by the obits. I found out first about the driver of the jeep who caused the accident and immediately I knew I had to reconcile my anger I felt that night. While this may seem rather unorthodox, I thought the best thing I could do would be to actually attend his viewing. I didn't want to meet any of his family, but I did want to know that he was loved and to say a prayer.

Strangely, while I never knew either person, when you witness something like this you have a connection...I have heard it described as a communion of sorts with the living and the dead, and for whatever reason I did feel compelled to be there.

Well, I did attend and what I encountered was even more depressing than I expected. Sadly, besides the funeral home director, I was the only person there. I prayed for a few minutes, and then made my way to the guest book. There were only five names before mine. While I was there, and I wasn't there long, I never did see anyone I believed to be family.

The next day, I saw the obituary for the victim. What I was confronted with at that time made the tragedy and my inability to do anything more that night especially horrible. Apparently, the victim had donated his kidney to an ailing co-worker back in November for no other reason than to end her suffering. The person that was killed that night was definitely a remarkable person and it made it worse for me to know someone that could do an act so selfless had to perish in such a terrible way. What also nagged me, if I had been able to do more by getting him out of the car or at least stopping the fire, imagine how many more people could have been saved by any of the organs that were potentially viable? That information only intensified my guilt at not being able to do more, but it renewed my anger at those that didn't even attempt to help that night.

In the midst of this tragedy does come some light. Like I did for the jeep driver, I also decided I had to attend the funeral for the victim. It was not a bad service, in fact it was actually a celebration of his life and that made it easy to be there. Prior to going, I got a card and wrote a simple note to the victim's life partner and family just to inform them that their loved one did not suffer and did not die alone. I intended just to leave the note with the minister and make my exit, but that plan didn't work. Being a small congregation and apparently a very good friend of the victim, she didn't recognize me and was curious to know who I was. I explained my involvement and reason for giving her the card to pass along. She insisted that I stay and said that the victim's partner would really like to meet me. She pulled him aside and I introduced myself. When I told him that the victim did not suffer, he immediately broke down and thanked me for coming. Apparently, the family was never informed that the victim was most certainly killed upon impact and bore the burden that he may have suffered in his final minutes. Simply, I supplied them with closure and it provided the comfort that they needed.

I can truly say that if I hadn't attended either the viewing or the funeral, I would have a much different perspective on this whole ordeal. I have always felt that things most certainly happen for a reason, be it a divine intervention or karma, and I do believe that I was meant to be there the night of the accident. Even though I couldn't do a thing to help the victim, I ultimately was able to help his loved ones. And with that, I was able to cope.

[ATF SAC]

This one was a mess and even a hardened cop would be troubled by it, I am at a distance. The first thing I want to share with you is that everyone of us reading this is filled with admiration for how you responded. At some level, you or those of us who have been in like circumstances are going to trouble themselves that there maybe was one more thing we could have done, there wasn't.

The kicker for me in your story is that it displayed what often appears as the most troubling part of a tragedy, sometimes folks just act like cattle. Folks driving by are gawping at you but not going to get involved. Some boob wanting to do away with himself can't figure a way to go alone and wants to take someone with him or is so important that they drive in a way that creates a huge disaster or is so wrecked that if they didn't kill themselves you would have to overcome the desire to beat them to death. This plays out for you as an evil world. Watch out for this, I am sorry for the woman and a little for whatever was in the Jeep guy. Folks driving by are in shock, not the grip of deliberate unconcern. They are paralyzed by the fear that what they are seeing will grab them. Even heroes are not heroes everyday and it will help you to understand that they were paralyzed by shock and not unconcerned. They followed the routine because they were unable to do anything else and it was not a "fault". Again, I am filled with nothing but admiration for you, but you need to go easy on the judgements or this will hurt you. Try a little to understand that you were early involved (calling 911) and had put yourself in an alpha state when it went down.

I do not recommend you make contact with the woman's family. Real life intrudes here and in their shock they may chose to blame you for her death and you are more likely to be sued than thanked. If they want to do either, sue you or thank you, they will initiate the contact. Take our thanks in the interim and that like you, we send out a prayer for the peace of all those touched by this.

Do not fear the dreams, or the bit of guilt that resides in everyone of us who has had the angel of death pass us by and take the person next to us. Normal, our whole being cries out for survival and we are often caught between the body's euphoria and our intellectual sense that we ought to react differently. Understand that the dreams no matter how uncomfortable are a purging process that are helping us get right. Better to know that it will be rough for a while, but that is an indication that our psyche and our bodies are carrying on the business of healing. Bit like physical pain after an injury. Part the body telling us, try to avoid doing that again and part the mind and the will asserting control and saying, absent anything stupid or reckless, I will in fact do what I believe is right.

Keep us posted on how you are doing if you like. You're in about the place you should be. Moving from the denial phase ( must be a reason, suicide or DUI or I can make this better if I call the family of the deceased) through anger directed externally (Jeep driver, bovine drivers who would not help) and heading into a period in which you will beat yourself up a little (healing sign, man) and sort of see the world as a hopeless place beyond control. Perfectly ok, would worry only if you don't move along over time. Will get to place of non-willful acceptance, "World is beyond my control, best to keep a low profile" and then reestablish your sense of purpose and responsibility. All of this is actually great, since like bleeding, scabbing, scarring and scar fading it is the way we all heal.

Your guiding light through this is all the folks here who have been there and then go there again and again. Kind of a peek at the end of the story. I can endure and succeed, but I will do so faster if I can get a road map of where I am and where I am going.