LE and Relationships -- Oil and Water

[Ozarks911]

Why is it so hard to maintain a healthy relationship when working in the law enforcement field? I can think of so many answers, but then they start seeming like excuses.

My biggest problem now is my shift. Albeit I am very thankful for 12-hour shifts and the days off they provide, the 1900-0700 shift does not a relationship make.

When "normal" people (if there really are any) are awake in the daytime, my schedule has me sleeping. This goes for days off as well. I've read that the supposed experts say that if a person works 8-5 Mon. thru Fri., and awakes at 6 am on those days, they should also wake at 6 am on the weekends so it doesn't throw the body's clock out of whack.

For the life of me, I can't do that. Too many people have plans for me on my days off. My significant other would like for us to go the movies, fishing, canoeing, or just to Lowes or Home Depot for home repair stuff during the day. This is just so darn hard to do and not be a cranky old *&@~%! When sleepy -- or sleep deprived -- I'll be the first to admit that I'm not pleasant to be around. But I do try.

Suggestions are welcome -- please.

[rove80]

I have the same problem i work security at a Naval base in the Uk

I work 12-12 shifts and the worst bit is that mine alternate so as to punish me and not let me get a sleep pattern at all i do 4 on day 2 off and 4 on nights.

I have problems keeping a relationship with my Wife, child, mum,sisters, brother, dogs and car so its not just you

The only way i can actually do anything close is to do what i am now (no not bury my head in a PC) but i forfeit sleep on my first day off after a night shift i.e work 4 nights then stay awake on the morning of the fifth day until my wife decides its time to go to bed about midnight then wake up the next day and carry on a "normal" day



Hope that helps


Mal

[BasementAddix]

My suggestion (or what i do atleast)....is live every RDO to the fullest and make time for her....make sure u call her during your work days and try and do something with her on some work days...i have the same problem...i work 10pm-6am...its a real relationship killer...but eventually my gf got used to it and we schedule things... but sometimes its still like ... ;)

[dmclark]

You got to get some balance in life. You obviously know when you're not in balance and you pay for it with lack of sleep, family disputes, etc. Balance is something you've got to work at AND get those who live with and love you to do the same.

If you need some rest on your RDO, make sure you get it and talk to those who have demands on you that you need that rest. It affects your personality and your work performance. Sounds like a "family meeting time" is in order.

Also, you've got to work at the "US" and "THEM" in your perceptions. Yes, there are "normal" people who don't carry a badge. Make sure your scope is beyond the badge and try to gain some additional perspective.

I know it's not easy, but like all relationships, the job takes alot of work to MAKE it work!! Let us know how you're making out.

[elrey500]

My schedule is 7 days on,2 days off, then 7 days on 5 days off. 10 hr days. Ive been fortunate that my shifts are normally 1000-2000 or 1200-2200. MY girlfriend is very understanding but the schedule does bother her a bit. When Im off, I make sure Im with her. Perhaps if you can maybe change your shift. As for the sleep issue. Not sure what you can do there. IT is true that you should matain a schedule, but working midnights does kinda suck.

[MaryHelenMadrid]

Dear Ones,

I have rotated shifts all career. I have often advised on scheduling as a manager in critical care/ER---have done 12 hr shifts that are neverever 12 hrs---more like 16hrs. THAT'll kill it! Parents really hurt with that (missing seeing your children a whole day)---and I have done that and been the gamut.....Called in to flight or ground transport on top of a 12 hr shift to boot.
What is needed are expectations agreements. And make the most of days off.
Nite shift ease-rs: Spouses can climb into bed for a little; breakfast together on spouse day off when you work, or dinner together with each other while on shifts---even if it is at 4;30-5pm.... Set the alarm and get up to get children from school and stay up for dinner. Be religious about small breakfast before bed and limited eating at work. Re-eval calories---do not drink ETOH after shift; take last cup of coffee at 2am or before. Twist the clock around as tho you are working days instead of nites--sleep 10a-5p like you would sleep 10p-5a if it were a day shift. Six hrs has got to be what you put aside minimally for sleep. Routinize your self: scheduling will eventually fall in.
Darken the room with alum foil on windows. Soundproof room with wall coverings that soak up noise. Have kids use headphones wisely with stereos. Get a sitter for watching children while you sleep---really worth it!!
On first day off, get to bed asap and set alarm for 12 noon and get up and functioning! No sleep is not fair! or good!

AND---this is big: What you eat and drink and how much and when you exercise makes a huge difference to your deepest sleep.

Love, +Mary Helen

[MaryHelenMadrid]

Dear Ones,

I do know how important it is to sleep during those sounds of the day---cars and trucks on the street, construction, grass mowers, yellers on the sidewalk, etc.Telephones and doorbells may require changing their rings, as well. Never answer a phone!

White noise cover-ups like airconditioning or a fan really can help. Self-hypnosis can really help---give yourself the suggestion that for every certain noise you hear the deeper you go in rest and sleep. Make sure the room is not too hot. Anything over 68-70 degrees is uncomfortable on a subtle level---we have all tried to sleep when it is sweltering hot and muggy---awful. Air conditioning is a necessity. TRY to do your ROUTINE nightime stuff even if it is am. Try to keep the rituals. You will sleep better. Try NEVER to eat a BIG meal before bed!!!

Getting up and going to the bathroom is an indication of your cortisol routines in your body---for years the adrenalin metabolism has been use to dayshift ---you lay down, the kidneys do a terrific job and your up in two hrs, right? Your BEST sleep is busted to to go to the BR. Because dehydration is SO bad, you cannot stop drinking water, just decrease the amount after a certain hour--say 4am---All I can tell you is that takes a long time to change and fool the body---- 6weeks to 6 months of permanent nights.

I hope this helps someone. +MH
PS Feel free to email pvtly if a question...