View Full Version : Being Prepared
donnie999
09-01-2004, 14:16
With the news of suicide bombers all over the place, sometimes I cant sleep at night, tossing and turning that the person living in my building maybe a suicide bomber. I cant sleep thinking that the person I am riding public transportation is a suicide bomber. I dont have a fear of dying but its the fear of that they could do it. I hope all law enforcement officials from the rookies on a small sheriffs department to the Head of the CIA are on the job doing what they have to do. I pray that they are making sure they are on top of every individual who enters this country and keeping track of the ones already here.
I am not a LEO yet but when I do I will make sure that I am on my toes. Keep my ears and eyes open. We all have loved ones out there and we need to keep em safe.
God Bless America
God Bless us All
ChicagoDEAApp
09-01-2004, 14:27
Donnie -
I think you bring up concerns many, if not all, of us share.
To be sure, the tactic of suicide bombing is well-worn, and I think many of us in this country have expected it for some time.
That being said, you need your rest and worrying about something that in all likelihood WILL happen at some unknown point will only sap your energy for taking the fight to the enemy.
I think one of the most quotable things I have ever seen attribute to Donald Rumsfeld is as follows: "I'm too old to be surprised, but not too old to get pissed off."
I mention this because I think, for me at least, there is some external, therapeutic lesson in it; that while I can't control everything (and hence, there is some bit of fatalism to his sentiments), I can live to respond to those things which impact me and the people/institutions I care about.
Finally, there is another saying I will leave you with that I hope helps - "Pray as if everything depended on God, act as if everything depended upon you."
You are applying, volunteering to serve your country and engage a menace and something that worries you. That's your share for now. For now ...
Good luck :)
Donnie -
I think you bring up concerns many, if not all, of us share.
To be sure, the tactic of suicide bombing is well-worn, and I think many of us in this country have expected it for some time.
That being said, you need your rest and worrying about something that in all likelihood WILL happen at some unknown point will only sap your energy for taking the fight to the enemy.
I think one of the most quotable things I have ever seen attribute to Donald Rumsfeld is as follows: "I'm too old to be surprised, but not too old to get pissed off."
I mention this because I think, for me at least, there is some external, therapeutic lesson in it; that while I can't control everything (and hence, there is some bit of fatalism to his sentiments), I can live to respond to those things which impact me and the people/institutions I care about.
Finally, there is another saying I will leave you with that I hope helps - "Pray as if everything depended on God, act as if everything depended upon you."
You are applying, volunteering to serve your country and engage a menace and something that worries you. That's your share for now. For now ...
Good luck :)
Very well said!
ChicagoDEAApp put is quite eloquently.
As you may already know or are coming to know, this line of work and that of our brothers and sisters in the Fire/Medical Services, Armed Forces and such all share the common task of preparing for the worst and responding accordingly.
We bear a burden that the public often forgoes in their daily life, I do not condemn them for that, they are luck in the fact that they can go day to day without having to worry about such things. Now dont go get an us -vs- them attitude, we are them; citizens with a different job.
It has been brought up here before about newer officers suffering from “hyper vigilance”, it will pass.
ChicagoDEAApp
09-01-2004, 20:42
Thanks SgtJon and HeMan :)
...I hope all law enforcement officials from the rookies on a small sheriffs department to the Head of the CIA are on the job doing what they have to do. I pray that they are making sure they are on top of every individual who enters this country and keeping track of the ones already here...
While the world around me sleeps, I'm out here late every night digging through cargo and working with K-9's to sniff out the things that go boom....get some sleep for now donnie999, we're doing our best to keep you covered until you can join the fight...
Oh, and I also want to give a :t- up: to ChicagoDEAApp for his post - good stuff.
ChicagoDEAApp
09-01-2004, 21:34
While the world around me sleeps, I'm out here late every night digging through cargo and working with K-9's to sniff out the things that go boom....get some sleep for now donnie999, we're doing our best to keep you covered until you can join the fight...
Oh, and I also want to give a :t- up: to ChicagoDEAApp for his post - good stuff.
Thanks BelAir1 - not for the kind words about me, but for covering my ass while we ALL try to get in the fight! Keep up the good work, and don't let the internal BS (because there is always internal BS) cloud the importance of what WE KNOW YOU DO FOR US EVERY DAY! You and all the other guys and gals who are doing the heavy lifting of keeping our butts intact while we get ourselves sorted out.
Be safe bro - see you in trenches (hopefully).
I stayed out of this one a bit. I am going to add something that I suspect is a bit controversial, so I invite all push back. However, it is something I have come to over a career. It is not the path for all of you, but it is for some.
There is at the end of the day for many fine and effective public safety personnel a certain fatalism. Implicit in being out there at night with the pooch is that you will come across Hell in a Box. You know it, I know it. We spell it so the dog does not. Other than the time honored rule of if the dog runs, get in front of the dog we have little to go by. Richard Jewel once said on 60 Minutes that he learned that if an ATF agent ran, be in front of them. Kiss on the lips, Richard.
If someone is willing to sacrifice themselves to get it done it is the core of our profession that they spend themselves on us rather than the people we serve. We do not seek that sacrifice, we just train ourselves to meet it. We train and think and hopefully we plan to avoid it, but it is there.
My moment of truth came in Vietnam. I came to a place where I had to accept I was not going to make it in order to function in a way that would give my team and I a shot at making it. Lots of us never get there, some do.
We know we will not form a ring of perfect protection so we wind up dealing with a realization, stated or unstated, that in that case it should come to me rather than someone else. That means an internal discussion about whether it is better to be maimed or killed and some resolution before the next work day.
We do not ever seek to die, that is hateful, at least to me. But we do learn that life is so short and that the rule includes us in particular. We certainly learn to fight. I cannot find a bone of surrender in myself or many that I love dearly. We want you to go with us if you are the attacker, all your friends, all your family, so if we go we would love a shot at you as it happens.
And although it sounds like a paradox, we expect to live, we have hope and confidence and we have worked at it. And if our route to functioning in the face of fear and dread is based on fatalism, I have noted that we muster faith. We may be almost anti-religious in our expressions, but we have it.
September 11 struck home to me in a number of personal ways and in ways that effected people I care about greatly. In the aftermath, I wound up discussing my thoughts with a good friend who is a Vicar in the Catholic Church. I said, "Father, I think that the cops and firemen who went in met folks who told them it was bad and they ought to leave and that they said they would be ok or moved on as if they would. Father I would like to think that that was a good Act of Contrition and that in saying it, they were absolved of sin and welcomed to Heaven." This is a very loving and good man and he said, " You are a terrible Catholic, Jack. But I have hopes for you, because you do get it and you have on this one. Of course it was, knowing what you know and they knew, that statement that they would be ok could only have been a surrender to the Lord and a request for the forgiveness of the sins that God knows you, they and others have committed."
Well, damn. Hedged my bet. But the core of it lies somewhere near being healthy and functional. I can understand that I will not be perfect. I will understand that a lack of perfection will hopefully get to me rather than others. I can prepare myself to do all that I am empowered to do in the face of it. I can get myself to a place in which I can function in the face of fear and still serve others. Maybe, if the Vicar is having a happy day, I can get my soul at peace with God and at least get a peek at Heaven. If I got the life insurance and beneficiaries right on the paper work, then as crappy as I think it is, I can overcome my fear and I can function as the defender of my fellows.
In that place, for some of us, because I do not think it is the only right way, I can overcome dread. I can overcome pain. I can serve and I can go forward in the face of the dreadful unknown. I can smile, laugh and enjoy and do good work. For those of you for whom this model works, I can have the peace I need to carry on without fear being my controller.
It is not the way for all of us and it is not the only way. But for some of us, we have to put fear aside and surrender ourselves, reluctantly to what is implicit in what we have set out to do. Maybe put Springsteen's, "Into the Fire" on the box until we get what it means to others and to us and then just live as strong as we can muster.
I can imagine that I have not faced anything like what ATFSAC has. But when I have faced bad things, my mind has been incredibly clear as to what I needed to do. I sometimes worry that something might happen to me and that my wife and young son would be without me. I get this fear at home and not at work. I imagine many are effected this way. Cops, firemen and the like seem to have a little bit of a "ten foot tall and bullet proof" attitude. Mine has dwindeled a little as the years go by, I'm less likely to climb into SOME canyons for fun, but it's still there. I think the Almighty gives it to us so that we can do these jobs.
A somewhat recent happening gave me a good feeling. Without going into details, we had a methed-up idiot with a toddler planning on doing who knows exactly what. He had already committed felonies that morning and made the mistake of walking out into the canyons. OUR canyons. That is where we spend our days. This was pre-dawn. I knew that myself and another agent were close and closing on this guy. What still makes me proud is that as the sun came up, agents appeared from every bush and draw. Everyone of them had a look in their eyes like a pedator. In the end, the man ate rock and the child was safe. We had no idea what he had been pointing threateningly at us. Turns out that it was a cell phone. I trust these guys fully, especially after that. I'd be willing to bet that departments and agencies all over are filled with folks just like 'em. Not sure if I had a point, but thought that this might fit here. Take care and God bless.
...There is at the end of the day for many fine and effective public safety personnel a certain fatalism. Implicit in being out there at night with the pooch is that you will come across Hell in a Box. You know it, I know it...
...If someone is willing to sacrifice themselves to get it done it is the core of our profession that they spend themselves on us rather than the people we serve. We do not seek that sacrifice, we just train ourselves to meet it. We train and think and hopefully we plan to avoid it, but it is there...
And thank whoever/whatever upstairs that I haven't found Hell in a Box. I have found some things that have prompted a change of my skimpies, though. But, like you said, we have trained ourselves to meet the collateral consequences of our chosen professions. My "moment" came many moons ago while staring down the barrel of a handgun being held by a 13 year old who I didn't think was a threat to me at that time. I think if I ever lose sight of the fact that I might not make it home one night...if I ever let my emotions override my training and intellect...if I ever don't respect the "that doesn't look right" situation...if I ever think for one second of my shift that I am not afraid...then I have put myself at a greater risk than ever before and the possibility of those consequences greatly increases.
In that place, for some of us, because I do not think it is the only right way, I can overcome dread. I can overcome pain. I can serve and I can go forward in the face of the dreadful unknown. I can smile, laugh and enjoy and do good work. For those of you for whom this model works, I can have the peace I need to carry on without fear being my controller.
And those are hard things overcome. They are also very necessary in order to be effective at what you do. To be afraid is human...to respect it and face it every day for a fight that is greater than all of us is commendable. I came to the same resolve when I chose this profession. I'm glad people like you are out there with me, and I know there are so many more. It's a damn good feeling to know your back is covered, even if it's 1000 miles away...
ChicagoDEAApp
09-08-2004, 13:31
I stayed out of this one a bit. I am going to add something that I suspect is a bit controversial, so I invite all push back. However, it is something I have come to over a career. It is not the path for all of you, but it is for some.
There is at the end of the day for many fine and effective public safety personnel a certain fatalism. Implicit in being out there at night with the pooch is that you will come across Hell in a Box. You know it, I know it. We spell it so the dog does not. Other than the time honored rule of if the dog runs, get in front of the dog we have little to go by. Richard Jewel once said on 60 Minutes that he learned that if an ATF agent ran, be in front of them. Kiss on the lips, Richard.
If someone is willing to sacrifice themselves to get it done it is the core of our profession that they spend themselves on us rather than the people we serve. We do not seek that sacrifice, we just train ourselves to meet it. We train and think and hopefully we plan to avoid it, but it is there.
My moment of truth came in Vietnam. I came to a place where I had to accept I was not going to make it in order to function in a way that would give my team and I a shot at making it. Lots of us never get there, some do.
We know we will not form a ring of perfect protection so we wind up dealing with a realization, stated or unstated, that in that case it should come to me rather than someone else. That means an internal discussion about whether it is better to be maimed or killed and some resolution before the next work day.
We do not ever seek to die, that is hateful, at least to me. But we do learn that life is so short and that the rule includes us in particular. We certainly learn to fight. I cannot find a bone of surrender in myself or many that I love dearly. We want you to go with us if you are the attacker, all your friends, all your family, so if we go we would love a shot at you as it happens.
And although it sounds like a paradox, we expect to live, we have hope and confidence and we have worked at it. And if our route to functioning in the face of fear and dread is based on fatalism, I have noted that we muster faith. We may be almost anti-religious in our expressions, but we have it.
September 11 struck home to me in a number of personal ways and in ways that effected people I care about greatly. In the aftermath, I wound up discussing my thoughts with a good friend who is a Vicar in the Catholic Church. I said, "Father, I think that the cops and firemen who went in met folks who told them it was bad and they ought to leave and that they said they would be ok or moved on as if they would. Father I would like to think that that was a good Act of Contrition and that in saying it, they were absolved of sin and welcomed to Heaven." This is a very loving and good man and he said, " You are a terrible Catholic, Jack. But I have hopes for you, because you do get it and you have on this one. Of course it was, knowing what you know and they knew, that statement that they would be ok could only have been a surrender to the Lord and a request for the forgiveness of the sins that God knows you, they and others have committed."
Well, damn. Hedged my bet. But the core of it lies somewhere near being healthy and functional. I can understand that I will not be perfect. I will understand that a lack of perfection will hopefully get to me rather than others. I can prepare myself to do all that I am empowered to do in the face of it. I can get myself to a place in which I can function in the face of fear and still serve others. Maybe, if the Vicar is having a happy day, I can get my soul at peace with God and at least get a peek at Heaven. If I got the life insurance and beneficiaries right on the paper work, then as crappy as I think it is, I can overcome my fear and I can function as the defender of my fellows.
In that place, for some of us, because I do not think it is the only right way, I can overcome dread. I can overcome pain. I can serve and I can go forward in the face of the dreadful unknown. I can smile, laugh and enjoy and do good work. For those of you for whom this model works, I can have the peace I need to carry on without fear being my controller.
It is not the way for all of us and it is not the only way. But for some of us, we have to put fear aside and surrender ourselves, reluctantly to what is implicit in what we have set out to do. Maybe put Springsteen's, "Into the Fire" on the box until we get what it means to others and to us and then just live as strong as we can muster.
Once again I say it - ATFSAC is a sage, an eloquent sage. Thanks for sharing Jack - I can't help but believe that these lessons you offer are hard-won and useful to us all. And I dare say it is as difficult to share some of these thoughts, as it is to come to terms with them.
Once again I say it - ATFSAC is a sage, an eloquent sage. Thanks for sharing Jack - I can't help but believe that these lessons you offer are hard-won and useful to us all. And I dare say it is as difficult to share some of these thoughts, as it is to come to terms with them.
I have to agree. I am new to these forums, but already this is a fact that seems self-evident. Thank you ATFSAC, for the food for thought as well as your wisdom.
NMP
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