View Full Version : Fireman's wife
Brettkazcop
01-19-2005, 16:45
I am still upset about this now! :mad:
I pulled over a fireman's wife today for going through a stop sign. Pretty much acted like it wasn't even there. She was very rude and swore almost a half dozen times. I told her I have been nice and professional with her and treated her with respect, if indeed she is a fireman's wife she should do the same to me, since we all have hard jobs. Still...rude. "I said I am sorry, what the F__ do you want? do wat you have to do give me a ticket whatever, i don't give a sh_t"
Well...the fireman is from my town, I am not going to write her. I go back to my car and call on the cell to confirm who she is and start writing a warning out. She comes back during the middle of me writing it and says "Can you hurry this up, I need to get home..I am just going to take off soon." Needless to say I explained to her what would happen if she took off. But I just could not believe how she was acting especially since it turns out her husband has been on the job 10 years I hear and acts as an LT sometimes.
A bit of a rant, but thanks for listening...I am sure you guys have all experienced things much like it. Gets to me a bit though since I am still new and all....need to not take it personal at all...I hear the expression to drop all your problems in that locker at night when you put the uniform away - but takes a while to perfect. I ended up casually mentioning the situation to a boss, who will hopefully pass on the word...I may even pop by the FD tomorrow and mention it to the husband. Hopefully he does not take offense to it, I will be as tactful as possible.
Anyone else have any other stories like that, that have got you mad?
I wouldn't mention it to the husband just let it go some people are assholes. I suggest that you remember this incident and if you ever catch her doing something again you gave her one and only break and she was not even appreciative next time she gets the candy. She is a jerk for acting that way and talking to the husband probably won't do anything to change that fact. Also I suggest that next time if you are calling in information use your radio it is recorded and could potentially save your butt one day.
irishlad
01-19-2005, 20:19
I feel for you...and I have had similar stories with the local FF's, well volunteer where I am at, and cut them breaks, but sometimes...they are rude, etc...but as we all know we will always get put in these situations. Sorry to hear you had to go through that though.
That sucks. If you're going to pull the "employee discount" card you need to be nice about. I would never be rude to an officer. I'm sure I will deserve whatever summons I get. I have been "let go" before due to my occupation but I am always nice to the officer and only joke around if he/she does first.
Keep in mind maybe she was having a crap day. Not to defend her actions, but sometimes we don't know the whole story. I try to remember that everytime someone raises my blood pressure on a 911 call, before I let it get to me.
I would definately NOT approach her husband.
nwfiregirl
01-20-2005, 06:18
Sounds like she used her "freebie", but if I were you I would make a note of it somewhere. That way if you come across her again and her husband wants to know why you wrote his wife you can pull out your log, pda, notepad, etc... and say well on xx/xx/xx I let her go with a verbal warning. Dunno, maybe that's only something I would do.... :o
My hat is off to you- I'm not sure I could have handled it so nicely!
With this womans attitude and mouth kind of makes you wonder what that FFs home life is like...
This is after she blew through a stop sign without a care in the world! Her arrogance could've caused an injury accident, or worse. I don't know, I think you were far too kind to her.
Good ideas about noting the incident for future reference.
Stay safe.
Cascade
cpwclarke
01-20-2005, 14:27
Sounds like she used her "freebie", but if I were you I would make a note of it somewhere. That way if you come across her again and her husband wants to know why you wrote his wife you can pull out your log, pda, notepad, etc... and say well on xx/xx/xx I let her go with a verbal warning. Dunno, maybe that's only something I would do.... :o
This is totally offtopic, but nwfiregal, I love your signature quotes! Classic!
nwfiregirl
01-21-2005, 00:14
cpw
Thanks!
ArcangelDurango
01-21-2005, 02:03
sometimes we don't know the whole story. I try to remember that everytime someone raises my blood pressure on a 911 call, before I let it get to me.
I agree with this sentiment wholeheartedly, even though it's a lot harder to do than to say. Possibly a way to help let it go is to think of it this way; her day was apparently a lot worse than yours, and if you keep stewing about it, you're only going to add to the black cloud. How's it go? Don't Worry, Be Happy...
Also, I wouldn't approach the husband. He's not the offender, and you might just cause more home problems than they need.
I am still upset about this now! . . . I am still new and all . . . . Anyone else have any other stories like that. . . Well, you said it, “You’re still new”. In a few years your skin will crust over and this sort of crap won’t bother you.
Do the rest of us have any stories like this? You bet, tons of ‘em.
As far as “Professional Courtesy” in LE, there’s an unwritten law which dictates, “When they give you a bad time – you write ‘em”.
I also agree with the posts stating not to talk to the husband. I imagine he’s fully aware of his wife’s attitude. If anything, he should come to you and apologize for his wife’s performance – I’ve had that happen on more than one occasion.
i know how you feel. i'm always amazed and annoyed by folks who are rude to me when i have been nothing but professional - just the way it is. look at it this way, if she is the moron she seems to be, she will inevitably do the same thing in your town again and again. just be patient, she will cause all her own grief. don't call the husband, i'm sure he KNOWS all about her (poor guy). if you stop her again and acts the same - write her. i don't know where you are from, just be careful this FD boss doesn't have the juice to cause you trouble - politics is everywhere (even where "they" swear it isn't).
as was said, courtesy begets courtesy. i have been blunt at times to spouse/kids of cops/ff's who thought they had immunity, that seemed to work to. also IMHO, a FF's wife isn't high enough on the courtesy totem pole to be acting the way she was and get a pass.
stay safe and remember what goes around, comes around. if they speed today, they'll speed tomorrow.
I am putting in my .08 cents worth a little late here, but I would not mention it to the husband. In fact, if anything, I would feel sorry for him. If she spoke to you that way, imagine how she must treat him! :eek:
I have been a volunteer firefighter for about 7 years. My dept. covers a city with about 50,000 citizens. In fact, most cities our size have paid departments. That said, we are a highly professional agency and have a very good working relationship with our PD. The same cannot be said for some of our neighbors. Their PD's and FD's engage in constant urination contests which really only hurt the public. (We are all on the same team, after all) My wife had the misfortune of being pulled over in one of those places. The officer noticed the department sticker on the car (not a woo hoo I'm a fireman sticker, but our department issued one that is basically a sticker version of our patch and the only thing we can put on our cars). He went out of his way to be rude. The last thing he said was "You go home and tell your husband that I dont do professional courtesy." Keep in mind that my wife did not mention who I was, he asked after seeing the sticker. I have instructed her never to bring it up unless asked.
I pulled some strings and got a copy of the tape and we went to court with it. The judge threw out the ticket, not because she was innocent, which she wasn't, but because of the officer's conduct. Just so happens his sergeant was in traffic court that day and saw and heard the recording. They had a little heart to heart afterwards. Apparently they had taken some heat for citing their own firefighters and the Mayor was on the Chief's case, and it was starting to "trickle down" if you follow that economic theory.
Anyway, I really feel for you. There's nothing worse than doing someone a favor and having them throw it back in your face. Makes you not want to do favors anymore, right? I would humbly ask, however, that you do not hold her actions against firemen as a whole. And if MY wife ever talked to you like that, I would hope that you would tell me. But then again, she wouldnt because she has enough sense to respect all public safety professionals.
Stay safe,
Brady H.
Brettkazcop
01-21-2005, 15:57
FYI- I ended up choosing not to talk with the husband the next day. It could go either one or two ways....And if it went the second way, that might cause some more problems.
If I had a few more years under my basketweave belt, I would have written her. Being new, everyone in town, (PD, FD, etc) is still figuring me out and what I am all about just as much as I am figuring them out. So, I am glad I wrote the warning this time. It's great to be an aggressive officer and get out there knocking down cars; but noone wants to be known as the social outcast jerk who cops an attitude with everyone, even other LEO's and FF's. I want to be known as a smart aggressive officer, but also reasonable and have good judgement.
But like you guys said...next time is a whole other story.
Thanks for the advice...Stay safe
Kaz
I want to be known as a smart aggressive officer, but also reasonable and have good judgement.
Kaz
You're well on your way, Kaz. Stay safe and enjoy your career.
Cascade
skyblue_123
01-24-2005, 09:34
What IS it with these people. I have posted in the past about the 'cult' like use of firemen's hat decals down here in So Cal by everyone BUT ff's. Gangbangers, schleps trying to dodge tickets. LEOS are all aware of it. What is it about the mentality these clowns have. I would like to see some imput from ff's on this forum. Why do people do this? And WHY for god's sake, do fire departments put those stickers out anyhow? Talk about making yourself a target. My spook pal in another state psyopped a guy the other day with one, told him those decaled' cars were being targeted by gangs.
The guy ran into Rite Aide and came out with a razor blade and scraped the decal off right there.
It's a big phenom down here in So Cal. But you look and most of the people with the decals are not ff, they are mexican bangers, white trash dope mules, punk kids trying to skate out of getting a ticket.
If I had a dollar for every ff decaled' car I've seen 1) run a red light or stop sign 2) speeding 3) parked illegally I could retire in the Cays.
Oh, and as for the ff wife's attitude, she just blew my opinion of ff's another notch lower. That kind of "I'm such hot sh*t" attitude does more damage than good. You don't see cops wives driving around with plates on their cars that say SHOOT ME I'M A HOT SH*T COP'S WIFE. They are smarter than that....
You also don't run into the attitude, at least I sure haven't. Fire departments what, are they suffering from LEO envy or what. It's really much more prevelant than you'd think.
Okay, I'll bite.
In your first paragraph you stated that decals are used "by everyone but FFs". Then you go on to blast firefighers by stating asking if they are suffering from LEO envy. I will address the decal issue first.
I don't know about SoCal. Never been there, never want to go there. However, you ask why the departments put these stickers out. Are you aware that you can order such decals over the internet? It isnt the departments, at least it isnt where I live. I cannot speak to what other departments do or dont do, but where I am, we get one department issued patch sticker. Why? For parking. If someone parks at the station without the sticker, the city can tow them. Other types of stickers are no different than the ones the telemarketers sell which say that people support LEs. (those gold shield things...I'm sure you have seen them) Your statement proved my point. It isnt firefighters using those type decals. And if you have such a problem with it, ask them to show you a badge and ID. If they are a firefighter, they should at least have their ID on them. I doubt it is illegal to have such a decal if you are not a firefighter, but if it is, arrest them for it.
As to the other, it is obvious from the tone of your post that you have a problem with firefighters. I cannot imagine why, only you know that. What the wife in question did in this case was clearly wrong, but why hold that against all firefighters? Would it be fair for me to hold a grudge against all police officers because there are some bad ones out there? Not at all. And so I don't.
Correct me if I am wrong, Skyblue, but aren't we all on the same team? We both protect and serve. But we do it in different ways. You, as a police officer, are not superior to me, as a firefighter. The opposite is also true. Both of us risk our lives for people who often do not appreciate it. Both of us have seen hard times and perhaps had friends die in the line of duty, I know I have. Fire and Law Enforcement must work together. Attitudes like yours negatively affect public safety. I would imagine that you would have a hard time taking an order from a firefighter. Good thing you dont work in Texas. As a ranking officer on a fire scene MY word is law, not a police officer's.
I am not trying to start a "who is better" thing here. All I am doing is pointing out that we both have the same fundamental goals. Your anti-firefighter attitude is very troubling to me. However, I imagine your tune would change if a firefighter saved your life or saved the life of a relative.
But to sum up your original question...
1. The Stickers are used by everyone but firefighters (your own words)
2. the stickers can be purchased from the internet or from telemarketers for a donation.
3. Department issued stickers, at least the ones that I have seen, are a sticker version of the patch worn on the uniform. My department has a reason for issuing them, not sure who else does.
Could it be, perhaps, that you are suffering from FF envy?
Just my .08 cents worth.
Skyblue,
I apologize if I sounded a little harsh in my post. I was having a bad day...something completely unrelated and I may have vented a little too much. I think that a shrink would call that "channeling".
But seriously, think about what I said. We all have to work together. Debates over who is better, or who does or does not have an attitude only hurts the citizen. Public Safety should be our first concern. If we can't work and play well together, then Joe Citizen could get hurt.
Joe Citizen also might have the greatest weapon ever invented...the trial lawyer.
My apologies,
Brady H.
trackstar16
01-24-2005, 13:11
What IS it with these people...
Oh, and as for the ff wife's attitude, she just blew my opinion of ff's another notch lower. That kind of "I'm such hot sh*t" attitude does more damage than good. You don't see cops wives driving around with plates on their cars that say SHOOT ME I'M A HOT SH*T COP'S WIFE. They are smarter than that....
You also don't run into the attitude, at least I sure haven't. Fire departments what, are they suffering from LEO envy or what. It's really much more prevelant than you'd think.
What does this wife's piss-poor attitude have to do with her husband or any other FF? I didn't read AZ post to mean that the woman was an a$$ b/c they were a FF wife... but instead she was just an a$$ who happened to be a firefighter's wife. Poor FF in my opinion and I would imagine he already knows how is wife is.
Smarter than that? I wouldn't be so quick with that generalization. I've met significant others of LEOs who BOAST an elitism and ANNOUNCE their regular abuse of traffic laws. FF's significant others do not have the market cornered there... in fact its a market well saturated by TONS of professions.
Let's not crap all over a profession just because of the attitude of one, two, ten or whatever... that FF wife's attitude shouldve brought your opinion of HER a notch lower, not your opinion of FFs.
Let's not crap all over a profession just because of the attitude of one, two, ten or whatever... that FF wife's attitude shouldve brought your opinion of HER a notch lower, not your opinion of FFs.
I couldn't agree more. As a Vol FF, former LEO and currentl FLE applicant- I think you may be painting this pic with too broad a brush. Now, I don't know what issues you see in So. Cal (it may be that bad there) I can only speak for my locale and the depts I've been with and associated with.
1st: The SP agency I was once a member of, actually had the troopers association giving away window decals with our patch on it if you made a donation. This wasn't a good idea but they still do it- and troops still pulls those folks just like they would if they didn't have the sticker in the window.
2nd: The FD I'm currently a member of does produce window stickers every now and then and a few guys have them in their cars. They aren't for sale but we don't prohibit giving them away to some one you know (but I don't know of this ever happening). Our state also issues special license plates for FFs just like they do for LEOs. Many of our guys have those. We are strict with our members on violating traffic laws in non emergency situations just because they are a FF. We are in a very small town and the cops and FFs work and socialize alot together so some of our younger guys sometimes feel they can get by- not necessarily cause of the sticker but cause they know them. Our dept. is pretty active in brigning this stuff under control- we've shown more than one member the door because of this.
Now about FFs having LEO envy- I don't see it where I'm from- chances are if you can pass a FD's civil service test then you can do the same to join a PD- its all in what you want to do. I've known of paid FFs who have moved over to the PD and some cops who have moved over to the FD. I've done both and can tell you that I personally find a good working structure fire more fun than anything else you can do with your clothes on but thats just me.
Not to say I've haven't see this whole whose better, the FD or PD routein. It seems to me that most of the cops who think the FF is some how envious or that the cop is superior, have one huge ego and probably met a FF with a similar size ego and they both have turned it into pissing contest thus making both their respective agencies look bad and straining a relationship. And this goes the same for FFs who may think a cop has FF envy- our FD has a way to cure this ego issue, its called washing the trucks, sweeping the floors and other probie stuff until you realize you're not better than anyone and nobody is envious of you.
jcglaw008
01-24-2005, 16:36
I am still upset about this now! :mad:
I pulled over a fireman's wife today for going through a stop sign. Pretty much acted like it wasn't even there. She was very rude and swore almost a half dozen times. I told her I have been nice and professional with her and treated her with respect, if indeed she is a fireman's wife she should do the same to me, since we all have hard jobs. Still...rude. "I said I am sorry, what the F__ do you want? do wat you have to do give me a ticket whatever, i don't give a sh_t"
Well...the fireman is from my town, I am not going to write her. I go back to my car and call on the cell to confirm who she is and start writing a warning out. She comes back during the middle of me writing it and says "Can you hurry this up, I need to get home..I am just going to take off soon." Needless to say I explained to her what would happen if she took off. But I just could not believe how she was acting especially since it turns out her husband has been on the job 10 years I hear and acts as an LT sometimes.
A bit of a rant, but thanks for listening...I am sure you guys have all experienced things much like it. Gets to me a bit though since I am still new and all....need to not take it personal at all...I hear the expression to drop all your problems in that locker at night when you put the uniform away - but takes a while to perfect. I ended up casually mentioning the situation to a boss, who will hopefully pass on the word...I may even pop by the FD tomorrow and mention it to the husband. Hopefully he does not take offense to it, I will be as tactful as possible.
Anyone else have any other stories like that, that have got you mad?
For being that big of B#$%^, I would have written her butt.
I must say I currently and always have had "FF Envy". I mean, where else can you go to work and get 3-squares a day, a cot and 4-days off in a row?
Too funny! I am a volunteer so I am either always off or always on, depending on how you want to look at it. Our closest big city, Houston, has a very nice shift schedule. 24 on 24 off 24 on FIVE days off. Can't beat that with a stick.
But come on, be honest, you REALLY want to drive the big red truck, don't ya? :D
skyblue_123
01-24-2005, 19:58
I cannot speak to what other departments do or dont do, but where I am, we get one department issued patch sticker.
WHOAH NELLIE, hey big guy don't get your jockstrap in a wad now babe. :)
No, you obviously can't speak for what goes in LA where these guys are getting DEPARTMENT ISSUED DECALS (like Local 123, Local xyz, etc) from someone or somebody on the inside. These are in addition to the bogus ones you can get on the 'net.
I don't have anything against firemen, thank you, I DO have a problem with what seems to be a huge faddish thing down here being mis-used by some scumbags, and I am really scratching my head :o as to why any legit fire dept. would give out decals to anyone but 'their own' - no one has answered that question here yet.
Keep in mind down here gangs are IDing themselves with certain decals on their cars, they change all the time, and so 'some of us' like to keep tabs on that stuff.
The main reason behind the firemen's helmets decal crap down here (and LEOS know this) is to try and 'cop out' on tickets, i.e., the guys doing this think they won't get pulled over for anything.
Support, show of? Sure, there's some who do it for that. But down here it is too often for more nefarious reasons...and the goons will even fess up to it.
Integrity issue right off the bat there. Well thank God no one is driving around with FBI decals yet (hahahahaha...like they even would dare?)
I have never seen plates issued for cops wives, FYI, in California.
Let's toss a bucket of water over everyone here before this thread catches on fire (ha) and we all burn up over minor differences of opinion, shall we?
Understand too, what's going on down here may be localized, although I've heard from colleagues elsewhere it is happening in their towns as well, and they see right through it, 80% of the cars with the decals...you got it...ain't firemen, ain't firemen's kids, wives, mistresses....nope. Something else going on...that's all.
My .02 cents....
trackstar16
01-24-2005, 20:04
I still don't see why this should affect your view on FF's as a whole if you acknowledge that it's scumbags and such that are abusing the decal thing. Nor do I see how this FF wife is a reason to have your opinion on FF's notched down. But to each their own...
I'm done. :)
WHOAH NELLIE, hey big guy don't get your jockstrap in a wad now babe. :)
....
Don't know if that was meant for me, but don't worry, I'm certainly not offended you got a right to your .02 and like I said, I know how it is here and how its handled.... I just hope your cops don't cut them any slack- I know it can be aggravating but like I said our SP still issues stickers w our patch to any joe schmoe who can come up with a donation (or can buy a used car) and alot of people think it'll get them out of a ticket but our troops just act like it isn't there and its never really been that big of a deal. And I've seen these sticker on cars owned by just about all types, from bank presidents to total shit heads- its just never been taken as that big of deal here.
Again, don't worry about offending me, your still cool in my book :D
Actually I think the jock strap comment was directed towards me, but alas, my high school football days are long gone! Though I think I havent washed it since then. And it is probably in a wad.
I think that Skyblue has hit on something valid here. Granted I am not familiar with the CA Penal Code...but I know that a 187 is a homicide. I think I saw that in a movie or something...
Anyway, say I am not a firefighter and I have a department issued sticker on my car, would that rise to the level of impersonating a public servant, or would I first have to claim that I was one?
And to answer you question, Skyblue, this is not a localized thing. Here in Texas we have TONS of people who get those gold star things to put on their cars to "show their support for law enforcement." In fact, the telemarketers who sell them even tell people that it might help them get out of a ticket. (I know that because I had one tell me that. I threatened to contact the A.G. and expose their fradulent practices and they hung up on me) So no, I dont think it is just an LA thing. I am sure it is quite prevelant everywhere. The question then shifts to what do we do about it? That, my friends, is not in my field of expertise.
But to get back to the original purpose of the thread, as a firefighter who is currently working on getting my LE training out of the way, let me just say that ANYONE who talked to me that way would get a nice little souvenir of our conversation, I dont care if it was the mayor's wife.
Anyway, say I am not a firefighter and I have a department issued sticker on my car, would that rise to the level of impersonating a public servant, or would I first have to claim that I was one?
I'd say that would be a tough one to pull off. Its hard to get a prosecutor to do much for someone out impersonating a cop when you catch the mope in a bar flashing a toy badge telling college girls he undercover. I doubt that anyone would really get too bent out of shape over a sticker in your car. Now, if you want to play FF on Friday night hoping to score with a FF groupie then there is a penalty for that too if your caught- you'll probably go home with out a girl and carying an ass beatin once a real FF hears you.
. Now, if you want to play FF on Friday night hoping to score with a FF groupie then there is a penalty for that too if your caught- you'll probably go home with out a girl and carying an ass beatin once a real FF hears you.
Is there such a thing? Where were these groupies when I was single. ;) I dated my wife for about three months before she knew I was a VFF. Somehow it never seemed to come up in conversation. I do not see the need to advertise the fact. That and my former full time profession (in academe), the firefighter is viewed as an agent of oppression, just like the police. Most of my colleagues were from the Vietnam era, mind you. So I never boasted about it for professional reasons, if you will. Being 26, I do not carry around that baggage and I was already a novelty due to my age.
Now you have to go and tell me that there are FF groupies! Oh to be single again....
Is there such a thing? Where were these groupies when I was single. ;) I dated my wife for about three months before she knew I was a VFF. Somehow it never seemed to come up in conversation. I do not see the need to advertise the fact. That and my former full time profession (in academe), the firefighter is viewed as an agent of oppression, just like the police. Most of my colleagues were from the Vietnam era, mind you. So I never boasted about it for professional reasons, if you will. Being 26, I do not carry around that baggage and I was already a novelty due to my age.
Now you have to go and tell me that there are FF groupies! Oh to be single again....
LOL, I think they exist but I too have trouble finding them- we have some local girls who seem to stop by the FD when we're there or if you see them out, they bring the FD up and want to talk about it. Some of our younger guys "advertise" more than others ie: wearing FF apparel 24/7, stickers and special license plates ,carying a bulky 2 way as opposed to a small pager and keeping the thing on open as opposed to page only. We have a couple of these types but the chicks aren't attracted to them so it casuses them to try harder ;) . Personally, I think it makes your dept and the member look bad to be chasing tail like this- not real professional in my book. I guess every profession that carries a badge has a fair share of badge bunnies, cops probably see it more though.
Chickw/Guns
01-25-2005, 21:47
I guess every profession that carries a badge has a fair share of badge bunnies.
Soooooooooo I'm a badge bunny with a badge how do you think I snaged my guy and your point is???????? Is there a problem with them????????
Ahhh Ummm... Chicks
Soooooooooo I'm a badge bunny with and badge how do you think I snaged my guy and your point is???????? Is there a problem with them????????
Ahhh Ummm... Chicks
Oh $hit - (Peace grabs his coffee cup, computer and keys and makes room for the ass kicking that is about to go down ...) :)
Soooooooooo I'm a badge bunny with and badge how do you think I snaged my guy and your point is???????? Is there a problem with them????????
Ahhh Ummm... Chicks
THREE CHEERS FOR BADGE BUNNIES! Hip hip, HURRAY! Hip Hip, HURRAY! Hip Hip, HURRAY!! :D
Cascade
And, on that note - thread is closed.
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