I'm in shock

[IM911]

My uncle passed away in June, and up until now we were all under the impression he was electrocuted. It made perfect sense, the man was always tinkering with everything, kinda like Tim Allen in Home Improvement.

Well, my cousin decided that the family should know the truth and gave the autopsey report to us. He died of heart failure from a Meth overdose. I am so p*ssed off I could spit nails. He was from a small town and I know Meth use is rampant there, but I just didn't think he was that dumb. He was 60 for Christ sake, what the hell was he doing messing with Meth. Even looking back now I don't see him as a tweeker. He didn't have the warning signs there.

I know it's bugging me more than some of my other family members since I work in LE and I see meth use everyday and how it ruins peoples lives. And I feel really stupid for crying real tears at his funeral and being so shocked of his sudden death, where if I would have known the cause of death then I would have been more mad than upset. And it's hard for me to empathize with my mom (he was her older brother) because I am so mad. She is mad too, but not to the extent I am. I had to explain to her what meth was and how it is to the 2000s what crack was to the 90s. I just hope it's a wake up call to some of the friends in his circle and they clean up their acts. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Kahuna5150]

IM911,

Sorry for the loss of your uncle. I know it's hard not to be angry with the way he went. Often times an accident or "natural" death is easier (if there is such a thing as an easy death) to accept and come to terms with. Everyone dies... Be it from old age, a disease, or an accident, these type of deaths have one thing in common... The person dying had no control of it happening. We can say an accident could have been prevented, or if they quit smoking maybe they wouldn't have gotten cancer or heart disease, but overall the disease came not as a direct result of what they were doing right at that moment.

When someone uses a drug and they OD or die as a direct result it is a bit harder. It's almost as if they did it to themselves. This is the same thing with suicide. It's hard to understand someone taking their own life, or using a controlled substance that kills them on the spot...

What I would give you is this... It was your uncle... He is gone... That alone is more than enough reason for you to cry real tears and be sad. It's your mom's brother and he is gone now. Again that is enough. It's OK to hate the drugs he did that caused (or led to) his death. It's OK to be mad at him for the dumb mistake he made... All normal feelings, but please keep in mind... Being in law enforcement often makes us cringe when someone in our family (or a close friend) uses something as horrible as meth (or another drug). We know how bad it is, and we've all seen the damage it does to other people. We like to think as ourselves (LEOs) as somewhat insulated from from having to deal with those things in our personal life. Most of our friends are in LE, and most of our family members (at least the ones we associate with closely) don't invovle themselves in these things (or we probably wouldn't be associating with them as it would not be possible with our jobs).

When something like this hits close to home, or out of the blue (as we had no idea) we get pissed. We feel almost ashamed to feel sorry for the person (even a family member) because we've so often thought "they get what they deserve"... "they made their bed, that's what they get". Little harder to have that hard line attitude when it's a friend or family member. A splitting feeling.

If I can give you anything from my own personal life and exp. Mourn for the loss of your uncle. Just the mere loss. Nevermind how/why it happened. The loss alone is what you should be sad about. Help your mom as much as you can. No matter what... He was her brother... Also consider the fact that who really *WANTS* to use meth, or be an alcoholic, or to kill themselves? I mean initially the use is *WANTED*, but at what point did the recreation/experimentation leave, and the addicition happen? Same thing with suicide. Obviously people that kill themselves wanted to die at the time (or didn't, but didn't get the help and did it anyway). Would those people really have done the same thing if they had been given a "pause" in their life long enough to get some help? Ask the people who were going to kill themselves and got help before doing so. Ask how they feel now, years after they first considered it, (they'll be glad they didn't, or they would have by now).

Meth is a horirble drug... It destroys many lives... Not just the people who use it directly. Maybe that's why it's so offensive when it's reach is able to touch those of us who are normally the ones fighting it in a professional role. Hard when it gets to you personally...

Prayers for your family....

Kahuna

[ArcangelDurango]

Hugs. Prayers. The knowledge that shared pain is pain lessened.

[Dolemite]

Brother I am so sorry.

[PEACE]

Kahuna hit the nail on the head - I can only add my condolences for your loss and hope that time diminishes the pain.

Be safe IM911.

[USMS_wife]

I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle, especially the manner in which he passed. Many condolences to you.

[lauderdalehawk4]

I'm sorry for your loss and I will refer back to the kind words you gave me a few weeks ago after the loss of a friend. "It always seems like the truly good people go in a tragic ways." I think that refers to your uncle as well. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[IM911]

Thanks everyone and Kahuna you made some great points.

[Lupey]

Dont frequent this part of the board much but wanted to add my condolence to you and your family.