So it's decided...(part 2 of Divorce)

[whtsthe#for911?]

It's been 8 days since the "major" blow out...My husband does not want a divorce, but he also wants to continue to act the way he has been because "he doesn't see a problem with how things have been going..." (yeah because I treat him well, and he treats me the opposite - of course he's not unhappy...) Anyways...these last few days have been awful...I told him I know what needs to be done...I almost left a year ago and he cried and begged me to stay, and things changed for awhile, but then regressed. I can't stand to go through that anymore - especially when he thinks the way he acts/treats me is acceptable. All I know is I have tried so hard and he hasn't - now he's panicking and making a thousand promises to change, but I already know how that goes. Yesterday he freaked out on my again while I was packing somethings - to him, none of the reasons I am leaving him are good enough so "I must be cheating on him" - at that point I offered to hire a PI to follow me around prove that...now he's just looking for other reasons because he doesn't like the ones I have given - and I am disgusted. The last thing I would EVER do is be unfaithful to someone - especially my husband who I have loved and tried so hard to treat like a king...ughhh...gimme a break!!!! SO I am sure he is saying it to make himself feel better and make me mad - I told him I would never stoop to "his level" since he had cheated on me 3x's back before we got married. Anyways, I guess I just wanted to update everyone and thank you for sharing your experiences with me and also, the advice. It is much appreciated. As it stands right now, I am staying at my parents house, which is an hour from my work - I am already looking into apartments and plan to move into my own ASAP. I called my husband last night to ask him a couple things and I already found out he went and got a storage unit and paid for the first month, and moved most of my furniture into it. Gee, how helpful. (sigh) So I have no appetite, I feel sick inside and very sad...I know it will eventually go away - its just hard now because there is still so much stuff I have to move out of the house...I guess part of me still can't believe this is happening. I am trying to look ahead and it helps to know, our divorce actually won't be a bitter one - we weren't married that long actually and we are both pretty simple when it comes to possessions and what not. So, for now...I'll just stay here, work and save money. Tonight I have OT - I am actually looking forward to it. Hahaha...ahhh well...thanks again everyone...

[cpwclarke]

Take care and stay safe. I think you've made the right choice and hopefully a little time will prove it to be true.

[little_cyclone]

We're behind you all the way. I'm sorry its not working out. I think you're doing the smart thing as well as the brave thing by not just trying to put up with it. From what you're saying, he's clearly not willing to see things from your POV. Go eat. You many not feel like it but you will need it. And try to smile! This isn't that joyous of an occasion, but you need to focus on something positive.

Be careful, and keep us posted.

[Big Sexy]

You go girl. Just be safe and watch out for yourself. If you think he may be a problem and you need to get anything else from your former home. You can always get a police escort, just to keep him honest. I do not know the man, but nowdays, one can never be too careful. Be safe.

[IM911]

You go girl.

Couldn't have said it better.

[Rasputin]

After reading both threads, you should not put up with him. I have been married coming up 3 years now, and I have not even yelled at my wife. The abuse that you have been put through is nothing less than dispicable. Leave him, get on with your life and when ready, start slow in a new relationship.

[Chaser199]

Please take care of yourself throughout all this. I've been in law enforcement a long time and have seen many of my peers get divorced. It is not a pleasant situation, but you will come out of it just fine.

You said you feel sick inside and very sad. That's very understandable, but don't be afraid to see your doctor for anti-depressants (or anything else he or she prescribes) if you are feeling excessively down.

My best,

[ame]

I have been thinking about you since I read your first post.

I am happy that you made the decision that you did, I only saw the situation you were in getting worse.

I wish for you courage and the strength to continue to follow the path that you've chosen by leaving the marriage. You chose 'you" and a lot of women don't do that. Be safe, see your family doctor to get thru the down or depression times, use your services Employee assistance program and try to eat.

Good luck, god bless

[forms]

Very sorry for your pain, but I think you are making the right choice.

He sounds like he has a personality disorder and a definite candidate for domestic violence. You might want to look into counselling just to understand the dynamic of what you've just been through. It's just classic. A good book is The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists. And there are hundreds of books on the cycle and psychology of abuse.

There's nothing you can do to make these people change.

But still it hurts. Blessings to you. It will get better.

[kenoshacop]

this thread is closed after being inactive for almost 1 month. PM sent to last poster about violation of forum rules.

[DelC]

. . . our divorce actually won't be a bitter one - ...

Don't count on it. It may start out that way, but I've never seen, or heard of a divorce that ended that way. I've been through a couple myself.

Just a word of caution, when going after your possessions take someone with you as a witness. A female someone that is, unless it's a male relative. It may be a little over kill, but to be safe, don't put yourself in a one-on-one situation with your husband ever again.