Forcing self to cry

[pantless]

As I get more involved in law enforcement(Reserves) I feel the need to surpress my emotions more and more, especially crying. Sometimes I sit alone and try to force myself to cry by thinking about sad events in my life or by listening to sad music because I feel guilty about not crying. This is never done out of depression but I feel that I I should feel sadder about certain events and not try to be completely stoic. Does anyone try to do this or feel this way sometimes? Is this feeling common in law enforcement? I feel silly doing it sometimes.

[Kahuna5150]

As I get more involved in law enforcement(Reserves) I feel the need to surpress my emotions more and more, especially crying.

Not sure why you need to suppress your emotions at all... I understand you can't break down and sob when you're actually working or in public with a job to do, but outside of that, cry away. As for sitting around thinking of sad things and listening to sad music... Either something you've seen makes you sad, or it doesn't. I'm guessing you might be a bit younger (and since you're a reserve) and I'll guess you're just starting you law enforcement career.

Lots of things that don't scare you now and that don't seem to make you sad, will probably be ten times worse as you get older and more life experience. My friends and I joke all the time about when we first became reserves, then full time officers. We were so young and dumb (not a bad thing, but often the two go hand in hand) we had no clue. Didn't have much to lose when we were young (but our lives). As you get older, get married, have kids, advance in your years and start to have more to "lose", you'll find the emotions come.

Having been to SIDS deaths, drownings, and other scenes where kids were killed, abused, etc, I can say it always bothered me a bit (as a young guy), but no where near as much as when I had a family of my own. A wise friend of mine once told me, "I never knew fear until my son was born". You start living for someone more than yourself...

Most jobs in law enforcement (especially patrol oriented) will expose you to horrible things that no person should ever have to see. I still think of the first fatal traffic accident I was sent to. The first time I saw someone die in front of me. My first dead cop... I'm fortunate that I never had nightmares (so far), but there isn't a day that goes by that something negative I've seen during my time in law enforcement pops into my head. Anything with kids now really hits me hard... Everyone is different, but I think you'll find those tears come a bit more freely (and without warning) the longer you're in it, and the more of your own life you expand on...

Kahuna

[Nonsequitur]

I am not sure about trying to force yourself to cry, it seems to me that the healthiest step is the fact that you recognize you are suppressing your emotions and can understand the reasons. As long as you strive to keep it from being an automatic response to everyday situations, and not something you control for work.

I know I have changed myself having been on the street and seeing the things we see, but I recognize that I am turning myself off for work. We have too IMHO because if we reacted like others then we would not be able to function in our job. I decompress with my wife as much as I feel is appropriate, and always find it strange how calm and detached I am from the things we all see on a daily basis.

Looking back on some of the scenes I have walked through and worked in, and will ask those very close to me their take on it and allow myself to be reminded what a "normal" emotional response would be based on their observations.

The rape victims... The dead children... The long (often long and rotting) dead... The notifications... The victims bleeding to death underneath your hands... The vehicle accidents... Ad infinitum...

[DelC]

. . . Is this feeling common in law enforcement? . .

The one thing that is common in LE is the suppressing of emotions. The longer one is on the job the more hardened one becomes. If you can turn it off and on, for on the job and off the job, more power to you, most can't. After 10-years on the job my wife accused me of not having any emotions at all. It's just the nature of the beast.