Divorce

**mikemac64** · 12-10-2003, 16:23

Stress, stress, stress....There have been 4 guys in my dept. of 28 who have split with their wive's in the last month. This is crazy.

**ATF SAC** · 12-10-2003, 22:17

This job kills relationships unless effort is made to nurture the relationship or the spouse is like mine, short listed for sainthood. Very smart guy from the FBI and a friend says he takes the wife out once a week for dinner for a "How are we doing?" conversation. Trouble in this job is our daring-do attitude spills over while we become more close mouthed. Agency you adore will send you off with a nice monthly check and replace you in a month. Spouse may well have cause to replace you but if you don't give it up will go with you to the old cops home. Nature of public service is to call you to love it more than anything. Good sense is to love it well but hold that piece that is your life and the folks to whom you commit. worth having a list of what is important in your heart, because you will not be successful in this business without going contrary to that list. Thus you will need to find the place and time to go with what is in your heart. And if you can, to lead your peers to do the same.

**mikemac64** · 12-10-2003, 23:25

Just a correction...that is 4 of 18, not 28. This does not include the one girlfriend who dumped one of our guys.

**DelC** · 12-11-2003, 05:36

Since Iâ€™ve been there and done that, I have to agree with Jack. Itâ€™s the nature of the beast, and to make a relationship work you have to put a lot more into it, more than one would normally.

**dmclark** · 12-23-2003, 22:55

You have GOT TO, Repeat....GOT TO make some time for her on at least a weekly basis. Start "date night". Be it Friday, Saturday or mid week if you're on shifts. Make it a special time for the two of you. Not necessarily expensive, just special. Do that movie or that local dinner spot.

I like Jack's "How are we doing" night. Remember, if you do that, you've got to LISTEN to the feedback! Marriages are not "created", but are really worked at. Most divorced cops I know can point to the time that they stopped working on theirs.

Stay safe. DM

**ThomasAckerman** · 12-24-2003, 18:33

"Date Night" for the Ackerman's falls every Saturday, almost without exception. It's something both my wife and I look forward to. Every couple I know that does this swears by it. It's only one piece of the puzzle, of course, but it's a very important piece.

TOM

**Sgt Jack** · 12-26-2003, 02:12

I just wanted to add that the "Date Night" works well for "Family Night" as well...more often then not I drop by the parents for Sunday dinner...change there and head into work for 3rd shift..works pretty good....As far as "Date Night" well the poor Sgt hasn't been on a date since I don't know when..

**CollegeBoy427** · 01-05-2004, 02:49

Even though im still in college, and not married, my dad keeps bringing up the divorce rate among LEO's. He is divorced, and cant understand that police, construction workers, basketweavers all get divorced. The "date night" idea is a good, one and ill keep it in mind.

zach

Duckie911 · 01-18-2004, 12:44

I do 911 and my other half is a Paramedic...We both know what the other goes through and I think that helps....We have both been divorced before, we make time for each other and understand those "quiet times" that are needed too. I destress by playing pool with some friends - him, he goes to the rescue squad, yea more stress, must be a guy thing.....D

**Bicdee** · 01-23-2004, 14:02

I do make a conversation with her on weekly basis by asking, "How would you rate me for this week 1 through 10? She replies "7." Then, I ask, "What can I do to make up to 10?" She tells me "things-to-do" for better relationship. I do those and have a conversation again next week.

**MrJim911** · 01-23-2004, 15:57

As a Telecommunicator I've learned that good communication is key not only to successful shifts at work, but also at successful marriages and relationships.

**Sandles2Sidearm** · 01-23-2004, 18:43

Not to sound preachy, but having a mutual understanding in that your lives are dedicated to the Lord, has helped many people in families where one or both of the heads are in public service.

As said above every job has its trials, but if you stay true to your priorities and don't betray the covenant you made with your better half and the Man up stairs, you will be fine.

I have been married for going on 2 years (so I may be naive) and its been the best and hardest thing I have done and the only way I could have made it this far is by the grace of God and my wife's patience.

ps

My wife is on the list as well.

Flippy · 01-24-2004, 11:04

Originally posted by reid-oclg
Not to sound preachy, but having a mutual understanding in that your lives are dedicated to the Lord, has helped many people in families where one or both of the heads are in public service.

As said above every job has its trials, but if you stay true to your priorities and don't betray the covenant you made with your better half and the Man up stairs, you will be fine.

I couldn't agree with you more!

eztarget · 01-26-2004, 10:08

"Date Night" is an incredible idea. I agree with DM when he says that it is absolutely necessary to make time for your better half. No excuses either. That seemed to be my problem. Yes, I wake up at 2:00 am to go to work. Yes, my days off have changed seven times since I was hired (16 months ago). Note - Scheduling Manager couldn't find water if he fell out of a boat. Yes, I am exhausted after lifting 500 plus bags weighing 30-80 pounds in an 8 hour tour. Communication is the key. Your spouse does not really know what you do unless you explain it as best as you can. My Job nearly cost me my relationship, but once I was able to explain what it is we do day in and day out, it became a whole lot better. No, you will not be there on holidays, birthdays, etc... but you must make up for that with the time you do have together. My better half couldn't understand working for the Government and such things as mandatory overtime, etc... After all she is in education and only works 180 days a year, with weekends, holidays, summers off. After many long conversations and letting it all hang out there, things do get better. After all, if she is really the one for you she will understand that this is a calling and not just a job.

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